


Hey Adora, You Come Here Often?

by Catheria



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Stand Up Comedy, Anxiety Disorder, Asexual Catra (She-Ra), Catra is a comedian, Don't worry she's healing, F/F, F/M, Forgot to mention Bow is Catra's biggest fan, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Lesbian Catra (She-Ra), Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), Linguistics Major Adora (She-Ra), References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22220218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catheria/pseuds/Catheria
Summary: After a brief argument with Glimmer, Adora goes for a walk and ends up in a place she'd promised herself she'd never return to.She-Ra au where Adora transfers colleges and Catra drops out, becoming a stand-up comedian at her and Adora's old haunt.
Relationships: Adora & Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow & Catra & Glimmer (She-ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Double Trouble (She-Ra), Catra & Entrapta & Scorpia (She-Ra), Lonnie/Scorpia (She-Ra), Mermista & Perfuma (She-Ra), Mermista & Sea Hawk (She-Ra), Mermista/Sea Hawk (She-Ra)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 124





	1. Hate to Tell You Things Are Better

**Author's Note:**

> Just a dumb idea I couldn't get out of my head. I hope I translated it well into writing!

Adora trudges through the freshly fallen snow on Etheria's sidewalks, not even knowing where she plans on going. Which isn't great, considering it's the middle of January and freezing. She doesn't even remember what Glimmer did to piss her off, but it's too late to turn back now. It wasn't Glimmer's fault, though. This was one of those weeks where all of Adora's teachers seemed to agree that it was a great time to pile on work, so she figures she may as well enjoy the fresh air, even if it burns her lungs and chaps her lips.

Sighing, Adora shoves her mitten-clad hands into her pockets and turns around a corner that seems familiar enough, with its brick building and iron lamppost. _Too_ familiar. But Adora is too cold to care, and walks into the café to her immediate right. She takes off her white mittens, stuffs them in her pockets, and sits on the bench between the two sets of doors. She exhales, relieved that she can't see her breath anymore and looks at the community board.

 _Etherian Expresso_. That shocks Adora out of her daze. Suddenly the décor isn't just vaguely familiar. It's arranged in the same way that it was the last time Adora was here months ago. Its potted plants, brick walls, crimson doormat, and cushioned bench are exactly identical to how they were in September. Adora wants to leave, but at the same time something nags at her to stay. Maybe it's her limbs aching from the cold. ~~Maybe it's because somewhere deep down she wants to see _her_.~~

Either way, she stands up and walks out of her little room of purgatory between her past and present. Adora enters the café, and just like in the small room between the doors, everything is so unchanged it makes Adora _ache_. The Cherrywood floor is still scuffed from the time Adora tripped in her heels on date night, the long counter is accompanied by the same metal stools, and the loft where Adora and _her_ used to halfheartedly study together is painfully untouched. Even the cat painting that she always teased _her_ about is hung over the stage where bands rarely played.

Adora is once again snapped out of her thoughts by the stage light snapping on and illuminating the figure who had been pacing for the last five minutes across its edge.

And it's _her_. Catra stands front and center on the wooden platform, wearing a silky crimson button up shirt, fitted black blazer, and dress pants that all look _stunning_ on her. But what really lands a punch to Adora's gut are her freckles and tan skin and heterochromatic eyes and curly brown hair that she's since trimmed so it falls a few inches above her shoulders. But that doesn't matter because she's still _so familiar_ to the Catra that she _knew_ and was _head-over-heels_ for.

" _Hey, Etheria_ ," Catra says in a tone as silky as her voice into her microphone, lips turning up in a smile before laughing so genuinely that Adora's lungs forget how to breathe. 

"Thank you _so much_ for coming. I don't understand why people pay to hear a college-age asshole recount her life and opinions, but it's very much appreciated," she continues, giggling slightly after she's said her piece. The crowd joins in, but all Adora can think about is her laugh and how Adora was so out of it and unfortunate to stumble into her ex's stand up act in their old haunt. She reluctantly sits down in the nearby window seat, knowing that she probably can't walk out of a paid act without being noticed.

"Not to start out on a controversial note, but. Men _suck?"_ Catra says, pausing before adding, "But men who respect women? Absolutely _rad_."

The crowd chuckles in laughter, which is only fueled by Catra interjecting, "Looking at you, Bow!"

Sure enough, Adora can pick out his distinctive laugh and see him seated close to the stage in the small building. Adora sinks further into her seat, knowing that she's going to have to do a lot of explaining if Bow sees her and _especially_ if Catra mentions an ex with her description.

* * *

"Being me is the absolute _worst_. People always are like 'Oh, my God? How are you so motivated?'" Catra pauses again, doing that smile that always made their old profesors assume she was up to something and that always made Adora choke on her breath.

"And I answer," she clears her throat for effect, "'Well, you see my brain is like this: Picture a roof. Depressed me is chilling on the edge of the roof, saying shit like 'You have not once in your life done anything right.' Depressed me sounds a lot like my shitty foster mom. Shadow Weaver, if you're out there, I hope you get hit by a bus."

The audience laughs in response, but Adora remembers hearing about how much of an abusive piece of shit Shadow Weaver was to Catra. Verbally, emotionally, _and_ physically.

"'Meanwhile, anxiety me is creeping up on depression me,'" Catra does an overexaggerated tiptoe across the stage, before continuing, "'And then anxiety me startles the _shit_ out of depression me, yelling something along the lines of 'If you don't get this done _immediately_ you _will_ die.'' And that is _exactly_ how my thought process is when I do _anything_."

The crowd roars in laughter, but Adora only halfheartedly chuckles. Catra never mentioned her anxiety _or_ depression to Adora.

 _Maybe she only got it after we broke up_ , Adora's mind tries to rationalize. Which only leads to her guilty thought of, _What if it was_ because _of our breakup?_

* * *

Soon enough, it's that part of the act where love is brought up, and Adora is stiff with stress.

"Why does everybody want kids? Everybody is always like 'Do you have children? Do you want children? Where are the children?' And I always have the same response: 'What the _fuck_?'"

The audience's laughter fills the small café, and this time even Adora finds herself smiling. She always knew Catra didn't want kids, even when _they_ were kids.

"I have a _list_ of reasons you shouldn't ask me if I have kids. I'm a _lesbian_ , first off, so you'll never see me with a baby bump. On top of that, I'm _asexual_ , so that's a double _no_. And finally, you think this already _disaster_ of a world needs any more of my DNA?"

Over the roar of the crowd, Catra adds, "And that's just _biological_ reasons! Children are little _gremlins_! _Why_ do people want them?"

"On top of that, you have to be in a stable relationship, either with yourself or a significant other. Which brings me to the matter of exes," Catra says, in that special tone that makes Adora's soul try to leave her body in panic.

"It's bullshit to have people roaming the earth and knowing a _fuck_ ton of shit about you! Isn't that right, Adora?" Catra remarks, even though her voice lacks the venom that Adora had feared.

"Don't think I didn't see you sneak in without paying! To those of you who did, rest assured. This will be handled _after_ the show," Catra jokes, returning her focus to the blunt of her audience. Adora still feels her heart pounding in her chest as she sinks further into her cushion.

* * *

After the audience has departed, Catra gracefully leaps off of the stages in her heels and sashays up to Adora.

"Listen, as much as this may surprise you, I'm not mad. I'm not bitter. Since you transferred to Brightmoon I've figured stuff out. I've made friends. I dropped out of the Horde because I realized I _didn't_ want to be a business major. I got into stand up comedy because it's easy to vent through and it _pays_. I'm sorry that things ended up the way they did. You're not getting another free admission to one of my acts, but feel free to come if you've got the cash. I could use it," and with that Catra starts up the stairs to the loft. Adora's almost sure she lives there now.

"Catra wa-" Adora gasps _desperately_ , because there's so much she has to say but Catra cuts her off before she can even finish her sentence.

"Hate to tell you, Adora, but things are better," Catra mutters, pausing if only for a second halfway up the stairs before continuing as though the whole conversation never happened.


	2. And You're Here to Remind Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora's totally over Catra. Or at least that's what she tells herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update. Writer's block and school have been kicking my ass. Here's a playlist to kinda make up for it: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7iWYLzxv1ftZtCfAL7kTVt

Glimmer and Bow have been an item for a while, so Adora isn't surprised when the second she closes the door to her dorm Glimmer confronts her.

"How did you fail to mention that Bow's favorite comedian just happens to be _the_ ex?"

Adora can't say she's taken aback by Gimmer's words. She supposes it's to be expected. Adora's always known that somehow Catra would come back into her life, for better or worse. But it's not like she's constantly nagging at the back of Adora's mind. Definitely not.

"I didn't even know that Catra became a stand-up comedian," Adora groans, throwing herself onto her bed. She likes her bed. It's softer than the one in her old dorm in the Horde. But it feels empty. Not that she'd tell anyone.

"Well," Glimmer says, and Adora feels her sit on her bed, "I'm going to be honest with you, Adora. I have no idea how you would assume you'd never see a girl who goes to college on the other side of a decently small town.

Adora just groans again, slightly louder to compensate for being face down on a plush blanket. _Goddammit._ A plush blanket that just happened to be given to her by Catra for her birthday. It's red, her favorite color, and dotted with horses, pegasi, and unicorns, because as Catra put it at the time, she's a "huge dork of a horse girl who deserves a blanket to go along with it."

"I know it's been a rough day, Adora," Glimmer sighs, standing up, "So I'll interrogate you tomorrow. _But_ , you might want to just leave _that_ unresolved."

Adora hears her leave their small dorm and remains lying face-down on her bed. _It's not like you could aboid her forever_ , she tells herself. Etheria is, as Glimmer said, a relatively small town. There's next to no way that she wouldn't run into Catra _somewhere,_ whether it would be the grocery store or the drycleaners or the small greenhouse.

She rolls onto her back to look at the pastel pink ceiling. Out of her peripheral vision she can see the few posters lining the walls and the lesbian flag Glimmer bought her as a dorm-warming gift in the fall. Sure, it's homey but it doesn't feel quite right to Adora. Yeah, the Horde had been underfunded and had shitty teachers and perpetually near deadlines, but it felt like she _belonged_ there. Adora fit right in with the strict schedules and sleepless students. Here she excelled at her classes and was "well-liked", but it didn't fill whatever hole remained, for some reason she couldn't figure out, from the Horde.

Adora's phone goes off, and she's jolted from her thoughts. Half-heartedly she grabs at the top of her nightstand to fetch it. Glancing at her screen her eyes go wide and her heart jumps into her throat. A contact she had _not_ expected to see lights up her lockscreen.

_Hey, Adora. It's Catra, in case you deleted my number from your phone. I'm... sorry I came off so bitter earlier. I'm just going through a lot, and you resurfacing in my life is a lot to process. I'm sure you get it._

Of course, Adora didn't delete Catra's contact from her phone. It felt... too final for her. She taps on the notification, her face burning with anxiety and whatever the hell else, to see a follow up text loading. And her heart starts to full out _pound_. She can hear her blood rushing in her ears. She feels more stressed than she did during _finals week_. Adora _knows_ it's preposterous that she's this anxious over a text she hasn't even seen, but it doesn't stop her from feeling like she's _dying_.

And before she can even overly psychoanalyze herself her phone dings and there's the text that for all of three seconds mattered more than her future.

_I know it's ten, but if you want to meet up at the Etherian Expresso we can talk. I'll pay :)_

The smiley face at the end makes Adora's pulse speed up even more. Yeah, yesterday's Adora wouldn't have even considered texting Catra or talking to Catra or even explicitly _thinking_ about Catra. But she seems different. A _good_ different. Not that Adora missed her or anything. Never.

She wants to talk to Catra. _Really bad._ But something makes Adora hesitate. Something makes Adora want to never respond in any way to the texts she just recieved.

_See you soon :)_

Adora's thumb looms over the send button for ten, thirty seconds. She hits the button and drops the phone on her chest.

Yup. Adora feels like she's going to spontaneously combust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is short, but I finally kicked my writer's block so the third chapter will definitely come out sooner.


	3. It's Funny How You Always Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it a date night if you dress up and have a candle-lit dinner and talk about your history of dating and are both girls?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first half is Adora's POV and the second is Catra's. Enjoy!

Ok. Maybe Adora's panicking. Maybe.

She paces the length of her dorm ten times over, occasionally glancing at herself in the mirror of Glimmer's vanity.

 _What have you gotten yourself into this time, Adora?! You can't go out to have a civil discussion with your ex in-in_ this!

She stops to look at herself in the mirror. Her blonde hair is still down, her bangs ghosting her forehead and the rest of it falling over her shoulders. She's still clad in her white turtleneck and high-waisted jeans. She hasn't even bothered to take off her winter jacket.

"Fine," she says aloud, bitterly to herself, "But remember: You have to make it quick."

And Adora sets off to raid her limited closet. First she snatches out another sweater, holding it in front of herself in the mirror before tossing it on her bed immediately. _There's no point in_ _changing from one sweater into_ _another_ , she thinks as she shoves a selection of Hawaiian shirts out of the way.

"Perfect!" Adora yells, probably startling Bow, Sea Hawk, and possibly Glimmer in the next dorm over.

She yanks out a sleeveless maroon dress that she's had since her senior prom. A bit dusty, a bit old, but it still fits. And that's all Adora needs.

She quickly changes into it, quite literally tossing what she had been wearing seconds ago onto her bed along with the rejected sweater. _Ugh, I need tights_ , Adora's conscience hisses at her before her eyes settle on Glimmer's vanity.

"I'm sure she won't mind if I borrow a pair," Adora assures herself, snatching a pair of thicker black tights from the top drawer. _Thank God tights stretch,_ she thinks to herself, sliding a leg in.

"Dammit!" Adora exclaims, losing her balance and falling backwards onto her bed. _Bow's going to have a lot to think about tonight_.

She manages to fit her other leg in without much more trouble, as coincidentally it's a thousand times easier to put on tights sitting down than standing up. They fit well enough, and Adora slips into a pair of black heels that had been sitting alone at the bottom of her closet.

Without so much as looking at herself in the mirror before doing so, Adora once again leaves for Etherian Expresso.

* * *

Catra sits at the table she asked Entrapta to set aside for her for the night. The violet-haired girl had simply and cheerfully exclaimed, "Ok, I don't see why not!"

God, as much as Catra hated to admit, she'd grown on her. The kind thirty-something woman had let Catra "crash" at the café after she dropped out of the Horde, even providing her with food and the loft to claim as her own. Of course, Catra had helped out around the place full time as she no longer had school to attend. She swept and tended the cash register and washed dishes and whatever needed to be done. In return Entrapta provided her with a roof over her head and food to eat, though something tells Catra that even if she didn't basically work at the café that Entrapta would still let her stay.

Catra had even made friends while she hung around the café. The barista, Double Trouble, or "DT" as everyone called them, quickly became accustomed to Catra. They complained about problematic café patrons and joked around together, becoming as good of a friend that Catra could hope for after the more recent and undesirable events of her life.

Then there was the cashier. Scorpia. God, the tall platinum blonde woman had been nice to Catra when she first showed up. Of course, she'd had a larger than usual disagreement with Shadow Weaver. When she'd told her foster mother that she didn't want to continue her studies at the college her foster mother once attended she'd been slapped. Despite the fact that Catra had been given full-ride to the college, despite the fact that that was the first time Catra had been within fifty feet of Shadow Weaver's house in nearly a year she'd been given a black eye in more than a few bruises.

But Scorpia… Scorpia had accepted Catra with open arms. Cooing over her, asking with concern about her injuries. Catra had hissed at her to fuck off at the time, but that didn't stop Scorpia from continuing to interrogate Catra with great concern. Nor did the fact that neither of them had formally met before that night.

Scorpia had latched onto Catra for a few months before confessing that she had a crush on her. Catra had told her that she was flattered, but she wasn't over _the_ ex. She had been understanding, and even moved on pretty quickly. Within a month or two Scorpia had started dating Lonnie. Catra had been ok with it, but her abandonment issues hadn't stayed completely at bay.

That's when Catra had started to dabble with stand-up. She'd always had luck coping with ~~and hiding~~ her anxieties and other undesirable feelings with jokes. She'd just asked Entrapta if she could try an act on the closest Friday, which the enthusiastic woman had responded to with, "That sounds interesting enough! Might as well mix it up a bit. For all we know you could be a rousing success!"

And Catra had been. She hadn't even had stage freight. In her eyes at the time she was at rock bottom and had nothing to lose. While nobody had gone out of their way to show up, but everyone who had already been there seemed to enjoy it enough. The following week more people had shown up, and the pattern had continued from there. Catra had felt less like dead weight, and she'd started to work through her mental ailments.

And that had led her to here, having seen _the_ ex stroll into one of her acts and having invited her back to discuss moving through their conflicts. Sitting at a small two-seat ebony table in the corner, a small candle lit in the center on top of a lace doily. Tapping her long, black nails on a wooden table. Waiting for-

"Hey, Adora," she starts after the other girl pulls out her chair and interrupts her thoughts, "Damn, I can't believe you changed just to match."

Adora's face turns beet-red, and Catra's lips tug into a smirk.

"I-I just-" she stutters before Catra cuts her off.

"I'm just kidding," she laughs, gesturing to Adora's outfit and without thought adding, "You look fine!"

"Ha, thanks," she mutters, face still a deep shade of blush red. She finally takes her seat and a weight that Catra didn't even know was on her shoulders is lifted. A sigh escapes from her lips before she can even stop it.

Adora gives her a _look_ , not that her entire outfit isn't a look. Catra knows that outfit better than she thinks Adora did when she grabbed it in what she assumes was a rush. The maroon compliments her golden hair and makes her sapphire eyes _striking_. The dress itself accentuates Adora's features perfectly.

Catra forces herself to snap out of her haze and says, "Was the dress you wore to our prom on purpose, or-"

"Oh, _God,_ " Adora nearly yells, causing a few nearbye tables to jump, "I didn't even think about that! I just used the one dress I had and-"

"Relax, Adora," Catra remarks, despite the fact that she's just as tense, "I've seen your wardrobe! It's just flannel and Hawaiian shirts, along with, like, three sweaters."

Adora laughs, pure and light and just as Catra recollects it. She digs her nails a bit into the table on accident.

"God, how do you remember this shit!" Adora exclaims, and Catra's heart _sinks_ , "I barely remember what I had for breakfast!"

Catra laughs to hide her insecurities. It's not like she still likes Adora, that was settled _months_ ago. Not at _all_.

"Speaking of memories and your dress, prom night _was_ fun as hell," Catra comments, drowning her doubts in a conversation.

"Oh, _damn_. You're right!" Adora exclaims, "We stole the keys to Rogelio's car, and he got pissed because he wanted to make out with Kyle, so we hid in the girls bathroom and-and..."

"Made out," Catra finishes, ignoring her own pulse in her throat and Adora's expression, "I mean, it was just as I said. Hella fun."

Adora's face turns red again, and yet again Catra feels the corners of her mouth lift to form a smirk.

"You ready to order?" Catra asks, unfolding her menu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unofficial date night part two should be up relatively soon!


	4. I Thought You Might Take Me Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reminiscing, bitterness, a panic attack, and some fourth thing that neither want to think about.

All Adora can think is, _Is this what a heart attack feels_ _like?_

Catra is right across the table, staring at her menu with her gold and icy blue eyes flitting across the appetizers. Adora heart pound in her throat, in her fingertips, in her temples. Her blood roars in her ears. She can't help but nervously tuck her hair behind her ears. Over and over and over.

 _Fuck she really brought_ that _up. How am I supposed to react to that?_

"Damn, you still got the menu memorized or something?" Catra asks with the corner of her lip turning slightly upwards into a smirk.

It hits Adora that she hasn't even opened the menu, and manages to clumsily answer, "No, I was just... thinking."

"Ok, I'll bite," Catra remarks, which is _not_ what Adora wanted to hear.

She goes silent and opens up the laminated menu, which is just like how it was in September. Tracing the laminated pages anxiously Adora hesitantly says, "Just dumb shit. Finals, homework, and so on."

"After the day _that's_ what you're thinking about? I know you, or at least _knew_ you, Adora," Catra comments. She doesn't seem to think much of what she said, flipping apathetically to the next page of the menu. But something in Adora cracks at the phrasing.

 _Knew_. The simple change to past tense makes Adora feel a mix of melancholy and regret. It's not a good mix, and instead of racing like it was all but a few moments ago, Adora's heart _sinks_ in her chest.

"Hey, princess, you good over there?" Catra inquires, though Adora can't detect any concern in her voice.

"Oh, yeah. I'm good. I'm just trying to decide between chicken alfredo and," she squints at the menu, panic once again becoming prevalent, before exclaiming, "mac and cheese!"

The entirety of the small building looks at her, which really is just Entrapta, who leans over the counter as usual, a buff woman with short platinum blonde hair and somebody else Adora hasn't seen in a while: Lonnie. The woman had grown out her dreadlocks, which were now in a bun rather than the ponytail Adora had known, and was now holding the blonde woman's hand.

Adora's embarrassment is interrupted by Catra's laugh, which rings high and loud and clear throughout the otherwise silent building.

"God, you're just as excitable as I remember!" she manages to choke out between gasping breaths. A piece of her messy brown hair that was other wise tucked behind her ear fall into her face, and Adora is an idiot. A complete fool. A fucking nimrod, so to speak.

Adora, having spent most of her life being close to Catra, leans over the small wooden table to tuck it back into place. Yeah, it was unconventional and she completely forgot there's a candle lit in the middle that she narrowly avoided getting lit on fire by. But, somehow, Adora tucks the soft strand of hair back into place. It's shorter than Adora is used to and curls in front of Catra's ear. The entire escapade lasts a few seconds at most, but Adora takes in more details than she should've. She notices that Catra's hair is softer and smells like coconut butter rather than pomegranate. She feels the corners of her mouth lift into a warm smile. Adora sits back down and then looks to Catra.

Now Adora _knows_ she's having a heart attack. Catra's face is bright red, her laughter ceased. She glares across the table now, eyes narrowed into slits. Her body is now stiff as a board and she wraps her arms around her body as though she's attempting to comfort herself.

" _Please_ ," she says with such bitterness that Adora may have just bitten into a lemon. A shiver travels up her spine as Catra continues, " _never_ do that again."

"Catra..." Adora's words aren't working. It's sad that what but a few seconds ago was lighthearted and going so well has become a game of how long this dinner can last.

Catra looks like she is going to either cry or scream or both. Adora has always known that Catra has been like a glass vase: beautiful and strong in her own way, but fragile and always just one mistake away from shattering. Like glass when it shatters, there are shards left behind. Sharp and scattered across the floor. Yes, you can try to pick them up but it's likely that you'll end up cut and bleeding in the end. Glass can be melted down and reshaped, and that's what Catra has done time and time again. Reinventing herself and trying to move on from whatever left her strewn on the floor vulnerable and a mess.

Catra blinks away a few tears, and Adora remembers even when they were a thing that she wouldn't let her tuck her hair behind her ears. _Oh._

* * *

Adora had been over at Catra's once when they were around ten. Catra had spilt her Kool-Aid on the carpet and Shadow Weaver had walked over to her with a cruel sense of purpose in her step. 

"Adora, you might want to leave. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble for Catra's mistakes," she had said, with such venom in her voice at the mention of Catra that Adora had flinched.

"Ok, Miss Weaver," she had squeaked at the time, walking quickly to the kitchen. She hadn't left though, and instead peaked her head out from the doorframe.

Shadow Weaver towered over Catra, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear and cupping her cheek, "Why would you do such a thing?"

Catra teared up and choked out, "It was an accident."

Shadow Weaver's hand flew to Catra's wrist and tightened to the point that Catra cried out, "We can't have accidents, can we child?"

Catra started full out crying, and Shadow Weaver responded by throwing her to the ground.

"At this rate you'll never amount to anything," Shadow Weaver hissed before storming out the front door of the small house, leaving Catra sobbing on the ground.

Adora had rushed in to help Catra up, but Catra had tugged her arm away.

"You don't have to be the hero, you know," she muttered bitterly, slowly getting to her feet.

"Hey," Adora said, tenderly taking the wrist Shadow Weaver had grabbed. A cruel parallel, but Adora didn't know what else to do.

Catra had flinched but allowed it.

"Are you ok? That's a nasty bruise," she had asked at the time.

"Yeah, this happens a lot," Catra answered before quickly adding, "It's nothing I can't handle, though."

"Catra-"

"It's fine, let's just get out of here. I grabbed enough money out of her wallet before she left to get ice cream," she had said, dragging Adora out the front door.

* * *

This had _not_ been the way Catra wanted the night to go. In all honesty, Catra doesn't even know how she wanted the night to go, but having a trauma-induced panic attack hadn't been on her itinerary.

She emptily gets up and walks across the café to the girls room. With the blood pounding in her ears she can't hear the usual creak of the floorboards, but she's vaguely aware of Adora running after her into the bathroom. Maybe she's just calling for her. Catra doesn't really care though. She doesn't want Adora, after vanishing from her life for _months_ , to see her like this.

She shoves the heavy wooden door open, walking over to the small overhang between the two sinks. Shakily, Catra sits on top of it, leaning against the cool wall before hugging her knees. Depressingly, this had become some sort of routine for Catra. Sure, she didn't have panic attacks on a regular basis, but at least once every other week something lead to it. Usually, it was during her break. Catra had an awful habit of overthinking things. One thing led to another and soon enough she was in tears questioning if she was anything more than a burden for others to bear. Growing up under Shadow Weaver's supervision had left Catra with a lot of emotional baggage and a fucked up sense of self-worth, but it had also left Catra with a burning desire to prove her _wrong_. Catra wanted to be strong and smart and worthy of love.

And here she was crying in a public bathroom after inviting an old "friend" to dinner. Hot tears burn her cheeks and she tries to calm herself. She tries to ground herself, looking at the classic black and white tiling. The maroon stalls. The dark wooden walls. The single house plant in the corner. Positive affirmations have never helped Catra, so she tries breathing.

She takes a deep breath through her nose.

The door opens.

She exhales through her mouth.

A hand is placed over hers.

She hesitantly opens her eyes, which are probably red from crying, to see Adora's a few inches away from her face brimming with concern.

Catra wants to withdrawn from the contact. She wants to say that she doesn't need Adora's comfort. That she's been fine since they fell out and Adora left for Brightmoon. Sure, the stand-up comedian act has been a sort of therapy to Catra, and she's somewhat happy with how her life's been. But at the same time her mental health has been as shitty as always, and she can't seem to force herself to open up to anyone.

Catra's resentment towards Adora for leaving her has had its time to linger. Three months to be exact. She wishes it would've festered and grew, because that would've been a lot easier to deal with. Instead it's just faded and left Catra doubting if it's anybody's fault.

Catra _desperately_ wants to tell Adora to leave and never come back, because rage is something she knows. She doesn't want to let the girl who broke her heart back into her life, even as a friend. Catra finally makes her decision, hoping that it isn't a mistake.

"Hey," she says, finally meeting Adora's sapphire eyes.

"Hey," Adora echoes.

And in the dim fluorescent lighting they stay like that for a while.


	5. I Can't Live Without You, Take Me To Your House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A winter night together after months of separation.

Adora is gentle with Catra. She always has been, and today has made her consider that she might always be. Catra, who is strong enough to survive without any help from her shitty foster mother, who is witty enough to make a career of stand-up comedy at the local coffee shop, who is compassionate enough to allow Adora back into her life after everything that went down but a few months ago. Who is slowly putting herself back together in her arms.

"I'm so sorry," Adora starts, because she doesn't know what else to say.

"About what?" Catra sniffs back.

"Forgetting about..." she doesn't finish her sentence, but she feels Catra stiffen beneath her hands.

"It's no big deal," Catra says mechanically, trying to brush off the whole topic. But Adora won't let her.

"Catra it is. It's a _huge_ deal," she tries to assure her, gently tightening her grip on Catra's hand.

"To who?" Catra hisses back, voice filled with venom that Adora hadn't anticipated.

"To Shadow Weaver, who only traumatized me for God knows why? To _you_?"

Adora is taken aback by Catra's words, but even more so by her own.

"Yes, to _me_. Catra, I'm not sorry I transferred schools, but I _am_ sorry that I left things the way they were. I'm so, _so_ sorry," Adora says, looking Catra in the eyes.

Catra is silent to the count of ten. Her breathing slows, her eyes close, and she curls inward even more before she speaks.

"You wanna know why I was so upset when you left?" she asks, voice suddenly quiet and small.

"Adora..." she trails off. Adora can tell that she's not certain she wants to share what she has to say.

"What is it, Catra?" Adora prompts, eyes beginning to water. She can feel her nose burn and her throat begin to close. There's something about the whole situation that makes her want to cry. Her ex- well, _everything_ , who she's been semi-consciously avoiding, who she accidentally ran into at one of her acts. Adora still can't believe that Catra invited her to dinner. She still can't believe how they're positioned right now. Adora is acutely aware of her hands on Catra's. Of how their breath intermingles between the small space between their faces. Of how shaky Catra is beneath her grasp.

Catra takes a deep breath, trying to steel herself for whatever she's about to say.

"I- Adora, we've been... friends for a very long time. You know how manipulative my foster mother was."

Adora nods, shivering at the memories of Shadow Weaver interacting with her. Always talking about how Catra should be more like her, how she never got in trouble, how she had plans. The thought still made Adora's skin crawl.

"Honestly..." Catra trails off again, before quickly spitting out, "You were the only good part of my life. But Shadow Weaver poisoned the thought of you. It was always 'That Adora girl is promising, unlike _you_ ' this and 'I wish I'd gotten her instead of you' that."

Adora finally allows the tears welling in her eyes to spill. Adora dearly loves her adoptive family, and she can't imagine what it would be like without Spinnerella and Netossa as her moms. She wants to say something, _anything_ , but her voice fails her miserably.

"I thought when I finally left her for good things would get better, and they did. I've paved my own path, more or less, I've made my own friends. But the memories don't go away. The _past_ doesn't go away. I want to make up, Adora. I _really_ do. I-I've missed you so much."

Adora's breath hitches in her throat, and she manages to choke out, "I've missed you too."

Adora, not that she would ever _think_ about admitting it before tonight, has had a Catra-shaped hole in her heart ever since she transferred to Bright Moon. Since Catra bitterly broke up with her. She thinks she gets it now. What made Catra lash out.

"I'm so sorry that I never seriously thought about how Shadow Weaver affected you," Adora says, because she really is. She's known Catra forever, visited her house countless times, but never really thought about how Shadow Weaver must have taken a toll on her mind.

"Of course you didn't," Catra laughs through her tears, though not as bitterly as Adora anticipated.

"I brushed off everything for a _reason_ , Adora," she chokes out, "I didn't want you to think that I was weak. I don't even know exactly why I'm being so open with you right now. I guess crying in the girls room does live up to the cliches."

_Oh._

"Hey, Catra, if you want I could... uh... completely forget this ever happened," Adora lies, hesitantly taking one of her hands off of Catra's to anxiously scratch the back of her head.

" _No_ ," Catra answers with unexpected intensity, "You've been my closest friend for as long as I can remember. Just because I'm... self-destructive for lack of better terms, and we went at each other's throats for something goddamn _trivial_ at this point doesn't mean that I want you to block me out again."

Adora sighs in relief, feeling her chest rise and fall because she's feeling almost euphoric that Catra is willing to be back in her life.

During the last three months Adora has wished that she hated Catra, that she never met Catra, that she didn't remember her at all. Now she understands why.

"Do you have any idea how much I wanted to hate you after our fight?"

Catra stiffens again, before slowly asking, "Ok, why?"

Adora's heart thrums in her chest and blood rushes in her ears as she answers, "I wanted to hate you because..."

"Because?" Catra prompts, turning her hand so it's palm to palm with Adora's.

The gesture makes Adora's heart skip a beat and gives her the courage to finish off what she'd started, "Because every time I thought about you my chest ached. I didn't want to admit to how large of a part of my life you were. How large a part of my life you still _are_."

Catra's fingers intertwine with Adora's and she's sure that Catra can feel her racing pulse.

"Rage is so often something we create to replace what we miss," Adora sighs in admittance, hot tears stinging her cheeks.

"Still writing poetry?" Catra smirks, her eyes lightening from anxious to mischievous.

"Maybe," Adora flushes, seeing her cheeks turn scarlet in the mirror behind where Catra is perched.

"Adora?" she asks after a few seconds.

Adora hums in response.

"Can I- can I hug you?" Catra stutters out, her gold and turquoise eyes meeting Adora's for the first time since dinner. Catra is still tense beneath Adora's touch, her breathing quick and nervous.

"Of course," Adora says without thinking, regretting how desperate she sounds instantly. Part of her mind whispers, _This is the first time you've talked in months._

The other part answers, _I've known her for a lifetime_.

Adora hesitantly lets go of Catra's hand to wrap her arms around her scrawny frame.

Adora takes in more details than she should, or she thinks she should allow herself.

She notices how Catra is strong despite her size, her muscles defined against her small frame. She notices how rigid Catra is against her touch. She notices how they fit perfectly together, Adora's hands gliding to the small of Catra's back as if the past few months never happened.

Adora is jolted from her thoughts by Catra sliding off of her ledge to fully hug Adora back.

She starts slowly, hesitantly. She gently raises her hands first to Adora's shoulders and then loops her arms behind her neck. Catra then proceeds to bury her face into Adora's shoulder and flatten her palms against Adora's back.

"I'm sorry we fought."

"So am I."

"All this wasted time..."

"Not exactly wasted. You finally broke out of Shadow Weaver's influence," Adora answers back in a murmur, pressing the side of her face against Catra's.

Catra stiffens at the mention of Shadow Weaver, but adds, "Got a semi-stable job."

Adora can practically hear Catra's smile. 

"I'm... glad you texted me," Adora says, after a minute of quiet.

"So am I," Catra answers drowsily after a beat of silence.

Then Catra's weight suddenly jerks Adora's head downwards.

Adora catches her easily, having been given a scholarship for her athleticism, only to see that Catra's eyes are shut.

"You fell asleep on me. While standing up. In a public bathroom," Adora scoffs, and she can almost imagine that they're back in high school and up to their old shenanigans.

Without really thinking about it, she slides an arm beneath the crook of Catra's knees and the other behind her upper back, lifting Catra into a bridal carry.

She manages to open the heavy wooden door of the bathroom with her foot and her footsteps are instantly more audible on the wooden floor.

Entrapta calls out from behind the counter, "Wow, you guys must've taken your time! It's past eleven!"

Adora can feel her face flush bright red, and she vacantly nods in reply to Entrapta's amusement.

"Taking her back to your place?" she asks, meandering from one side of the cafe to the other and flipping the signs to closed.

"I-uh?" Adora's at a loss for words. Does she want to take Catra to her dorm? Does she just want to leave without saying anything?

"Yes?" she answers after waiting way too long.

"Ok, just take care of her," Entrapta says, flipping the light switch.

"Could you... get the door please?" Adora asks awkwardly, shuffling towards the exit with little difficulty.

"No problem!" Entrapta exclaims, shoving the door open to let Adora through. She stands in the small space between the two sets of doors, glancing at a schedule of Catra's shows before Entrapta opens the last door.

Adora takes one look to her underwhelming car from the early nineties, in all of its faded maroon glory, before calling back to Entrapta.

"Hey, could you also get my car door for me? Sorry," she manages to stumble out as she carefully moves Catra to rest on her shoulder to free up a hand to grab her keys from her jacket pocket.

"Wow, you're _really_ strong! Oh, and sure," she yells back from the door.

The short woman scurries over to Adora to grab her keys and then unlocks her car.

"Thanks," Adora awkwardly as Entrapta walks down the snowy alleyway between the cafe and the neighboring building to the employee parking lot.

Adora ducks into the car and gently places Catra in the passenger's seat, buckling her seatbelt before shutting the door and rushing to the driver's seat.

She closes her door with a slam, which startles Catra awake.

"Huh, what?" she slurs groggily before turning to Adora.

"Adora?"

"Uh, yeah. Me," she answers, trying to maintain eye contact despite the situation.

"We're going to your place?" she asks, now more awake.

"Yeah, I didn't want to leave things off with you falling asleep in the bathroom," Adora says, stumbling on her own words.

"It's fine if you don't want to, I just thought that-"

"No, it's fine. Given how things have gone this may as well happen. Just wake me up next time, ok?" Catra comments, reclining her seat and curling into a ball.

"Yeah, sorry. No problem. Yup. Perfectly fi-"

"I'm going to sleep now."

"Yup," Adora says, popping the "p".

_Next time._

She can't help but smile like an idiot, and she doesn't stop because she can hear Catra snoring softly next to her.

Adora sighs, remembering how shitty the heat in her little car is.

She quickly rips off her jacket to place it on top of Catra without much though, and starts the car.

* * *

The rest of the short drive is uneventful, just the light snow falling hypnotically past the pitch-blackness outside of her headlights and Catra stirring every once in a while. She wakes Catra up when they reach Bright Moon, and they walk up to Adora and Glimmer's dorm without any surprises.

Adora doesn't turn on the light because she doesn't want to wake up Glimmer, and turns to Catra.

"I can sleep on the floor if you want," Adora says, stifling a yawn.

Catra's eyes glint in the gloom and Adora can see the moonlight illuminate her tan face in a pale light. She can count every last one of her freckles. She can see the remnants of the silver highlights that Catra got last summer.

"No, let's do it like old times," Catra comments, lying down on top of the covers before immediately recognizing them.

"You kept the horse blanket I got you?" she teases, the corners of her mouth lifting into a smirk.

"Of course I did," Adora grins, laying on top of her bed and next to... next to _Catra_.

The days events flash before Adora's eyes and her face feels like it's on fire.

"What's wrong, princess?" Catra basically purrs in her ear.

"Nothing it's just..."

"You missed me? You missed this?"

"Yeah."

All Adora can see from where she lies is the darkness of the room and all she can hear is the silence of the night.

"When you said like old times did you mean-?"

"Yeah."

Adora feels like she's dreaming as she wraps her arms around Catra for the first time in months, for the first time _ever_ without some uncomfortable, unspoken bitterness between them.

She wraps her arms around Catra tenderly, pulling her against her chest and resting her chin on the top of her head.

She's certain that Catra can feel her heart beating out of her chest. But she doesn't care. She's happy, she's at peace for the first time in months.

She-she's in _love._

_Oh. Oh_ no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adora's smitten! Find me on tumblr @catheriaa


End file.
